Back in the 1960s, there was a musical stage show called Stop the World–I Want to Get Off. I never saw it, but the title has often come to mind as being appropriate for personal, social, or political reasons. Today it seems relevant from all three perspectives.
I am living with pain which, in turn, means that I am tired a lot and confined to bed most of the time. If I look at my accident recovery over a longer time frame, I have made good progress. Seen in the moment, though, it seems endless and unchanging. Most of the time I am optimistic, but sometimes (like this moment) I feel useless and depressed.
Being laid up is depressing because I can’t do any of the things I like to do like walking, going to festival events, visiting friends, cooking, tidying up, running errands, gardening, and so on. Also, I try to read or write but find I cannot concentrate for very long; I can’t even focus enough to reply to emails enquiring about my health. My son has been trying to encourage me to continue working on a book I started by compiling my blog posts, but I can’t summon up any enthusiasm for the project.
So, I have resorted to watching TV but now, having been doing that for two months, I’ve seen all the movies I care to, and the news shows are full of endless examples of American political horror, lies, and propaganda. There is probably some Canadian political horror, lies, and propaganda, too, but it cannot compete in terms of quantity so it barely gets noticed.
Compounding my sense of existential blah, it has been very hot lately. The temperatures in Edmonton have been up around 30 C (86 F) and we don’t have air conditioning, so I have been laying on my bed wishing for a breeze. We have brought in a fan in to help move the air around, and that helps, but it the difference is like comparing a regular oven to a convection oven. It’s still an oven.
I have not yet been able to see my apartment in the basement because (a) the only handrail to go down there is on the side of my broken wrist and (b) I’m afraid of falling on the laminate-covered stairs. Having had a fall that fractured my pelvis has made me view the world from a much more timid viewpoint. I miss being around my own things and being able to pick out my clothes, but my family and the occupational therapist agreed that it is best that I stay upstairs for the time being. They are worried that I would not be able to get up the stairs easily if there were an emergency.
My family is doing what they can to keep me cared for, and they have today put some safety treads on the stairs ready for the day when I venture down them. They also keep me fed and watered, for which I am most grateful. I did actually get out of the house once last week when I went to see my younger son’s choir performance. It felt odd to be around people again but I enjoyed the event very much. For a moment I felt almost normal.
I will be seeing the doctor on Wednesday and will be getting new x-rays of my wrist and pelvis. I am hoping that I get the “all clear” to stop wearing the cast on my wrist and some encouraging news about my pelvis. In the meantime, I hope you will forgive this grumble. If you ever get injured, I’ll do the same for you.
Snowbird of Paradise 
Oh, Anne, I am so sorry for you! I imagine this is especially difficult for you because you feel you have pretty much lost your independence!
It will get better and keep in mind the better you let it heal the stronger you will be on your recovery. I wish I could drop by with something so decadent and fattening you’d feel 100% better for a few moments.
I am so sorry that I didn’t see you before your necessary trip home. This darn vertigo has pretty much taken over my life! I am learning some tricks that help a little, but its always a surprise!
I am sending you wishes that you will heal quickly and well!
Jane
Thanks, Jane, and thanks for the offer of something decadent and fattening. I’m sorry to hear about the vertigo you are experiencing.
The road to recovery is challenging that is for sure! Your cast photo brings back a flood of memories. When I went back to work (and constant travel for work) I kept it with me. As I built up strength, it offered relief and comfort-and reminded me to not overdo it.
Thinking of you often and sending thoughts of strength and patience.
Thanks, Dia.
As your body heals, I hope the timidity fades. It is indeed another injury.
I suspect the courage may take longer to return than my physical health.
I agree. Keep us posted.
I agree with Dia , I only wish you a speedy recovery and it must of been a nasty pelvic fracture. I do understand about the timidness of attempting to use stairs once you fall and injure your self I feel it shows how vulnerable we are. I hope depression isn’t an issue but you did mention those politics on our side and I can only *shake my head* lol. If nothing else Dia and I can put on our *boots* and make a road trip , just think you’d have 2 Nurses bitching at you to get up lol.
Oh yes, Sue and I can become the bitchin’ nurses!!! That has got to be the best laugh of the day so far! In all honesty, it would be my pleasure to help you feel better.
You will both be very welcome!
I like the idea of you and Dia putting on your boots to get up here! It would be worth all this to have you both bitching at me to get up!
The pelvic fracture wasn’t actually all that bad but I added a month to the recover by getting out of bed wrong and doing something bad to the muscles (tendons?) in my “good” hip.
Apparently I’m dumber than I look. 🙂
Update: I am now back in my own suite for the first time since 20 November 2017! It feels good to be back in my own home space again. I have been opening and closing cupboard doors and dresser drawers just reminding myself of my “stuff.” Now I’m enjoying a glass of wine and watching Rachel Maddow on TV. Life is good.
Update 2: I just had a shower–unassisted! It felt soooooo good!
[…] I broke my wrist and fractured my pelvis, and have written about it in this blog (here, here, here, and here). My experience in negotiating all the people, facilities, bureaucracies, and systems […]