Back in the 1960s, there was a musical stage show called Stop the World–I Want to Get Off. I never saw it, but the title has often come to mind as being appropriate for personal, social, or political reasons. Today it seems relevant from all three perspectives.
I am living with pain which, in turn, means that I am tired a lot and confined to bed most of the time. If I look at my accident recovery over a longer time frame, I have made good progress. Seen in the moment, though, it seems endless and unchanging. Most of the time I am optimistic, but sometimes (like this moment) I feel useless and depressed.
Being laid up is depressing because I can’t do any of the things I like to do like walking, going to festival events, visiting friends, cooking, tidying up, running errands, gardening, and so on. Also, I try to read or write but find I cannot concentrate for very long; I can’t even focus enough to reply to emails enquiring about my health. My son has been trying to encourage me to continue working on a book I started by compiling my blog posts, but I can’t summon up any enthusiasm for the project.
So, I have resorted to watching TV but now, having been doing that for two months, I’ve seen all the movies I care to, and the news shows are full of endless examples of American political horror, lies, and propaganda. There is probably some Canadian political horror, lies, and propaganda, too, but it cannot compete in terms of quantity so it barely gets noticed.
Compounding my sense of existential blah, it has been very hot lately. The temperatures in Edmonton have been up around 30 C (86 F) and we don’t have air conditioning, so I have been laying on my bed wishing for a breeze. We have brought in a fan in to help move the air around, and that helps, but it the difference is like comparing a regular oven to a convection oven. It’s still an oven.
I have not yet been able to see my apartment in the basement because (a) the only handrail to go down there is on the side of my broken wrist and (b) I’m afraid of falling on the laminate-covered stairs. Having had a fall that fractured my pelvis has made me view the world from a much more timid viewpoint. I miss being around my own things and being able to pick out my clothes, but my family and the occupational therapist agreed that it is best that I stay upstairs for the time being. They are worried that I would not be able to get up the stairs easily if there were an emergency.
My family is doing what they can to keep me cared for, and they have today put some safety treads on the stairs ready for the day when I venture down them. They also keep me fed and watered, for which I am most grateful. I did actually get out of the house once last week when I went to see my younger son’s choir performance. It felt odd to be around people again but I enjoyed the event very much. For a moment I felt almost normal.
I will be seeing the doctor on Wednesday and will be getting new x-rays of my wrist and pelvis. I am hoping that I get the “all clear” to stop wearing the cast on my wrist and some encouraging news about my pelvis. In the meantime, I hope you will forgive this grumble. If you ever get injured, I’ll do the same for you.