When I decided to buy a patio umbrella, I had a lot of decisions to make. Do I want it to be straight or cantilevered? Rigid or tilting? In a metal base or in a sand-filled plastic base? Centred in a picnic table or detached? Red, Black, Beige, Brown, or Turquoise? I have made online dating choices that were easier than this.

This dilemma presented itself because my apartment faces South and during the afternoon and evening the sun, while welcome, adds a great deal to the temperature indoors. Many of my neighbours have decorative umbrellas on their decks and patios, and that seemed like a sensible solution. It was also preferable to closing the blinds and turning on the air conditioner.

So, in September 2023, I bought online a Costco cantilever umbrella. It ticked all the boxes. I could put it in the Southwest corner of my patio and shade both the patio and my living room. Perfect.

Sadly, when it arrived, the UPS delivery man would not bring the box containing the umbrella and stand to my apartment. When I went out to meet him he said, and I quote, “We are not furniture movers!” and he promptly dumped the thing, upright, outside the main front doors to the building. To be fair, I can’t blame him. That contraption was so darned heavy, I could not have even dragged it on my own.

As I was standing outside staring at this tall box that was in danger of falling on someone and I was wondering what to do, the Canada Post mailman arrived and I explained my dilemma. He sympathized and then went about his business.

Ten minutes later, that same mailman knocked on my door. He had dragged that incredibly heavy Costco box all the way from the front door to my unit. He had delivered the mail and then, without my asking, delivered the UPS-abandoned umbrella to me. The man deserves a medal. He dropped it inside my home and I, with wide-eyed amazement, gave him my wholehearted thanks.

While the umbrella was in my entryway, I opened the box and took out all the parts. I couldn’t have taken the whole thing out to the patio, but I could take it out in bits. Once it was outside, I started to have serious buyer’s remorse. More buyer’s remorse than I already had. It was too big for my patio.

Not only was it too heavy to move, it was too big to erect in the available space. Sadly, and with much regret, I took it apart, laid down the pieces, and watched as the whole thing got rained on, several times.

Then, in October 2023, I hired a handyman to fix multiple small issues. I told him about my umbrella problem and he tried to put it up. He agreed it was too big but he told me that Costco will take anything back if you have the receipt. “Oh, well”, I thought, “I can do that.” I have every online purchase on my computer, and I was able to pull up the receipt for the overlarge umbrella. The handyman then took the umbrella and stand down to the basement garage and loaded them into my car for me. The following day, Costco took them back, even without the box and one wayward washer, and they refunded the whole cost to me, rain damage and all. So many problems were solved in that one interaction that it felt like a lottery win.

I once again considered buying a patio umbrella when the local drug store had a promotion on seasonal goods, and you know how much I love a sale. Accordingly, I visited the local drug store to check out the sale on patio umbrellas but didn’t feel too impressed. I couldn’t make a decision and took that as a sign to walk away, which I did.

Then, in May 2024 it started to get hot again. I was closing the blinds at sundown and turning on the air conditioning and so I started looking for another patio umbrella. This time I decided that cantilevers were out of the question, but a tilt would be nice.

By June 2024 it was getting a lot hotter, and I went online to look at patio umbrellas once again. By now I was wounded by failure, immersed in information, overwhelmed by too much choice, and verging on an inability to commit. I visited the same local drug store as before which, this time, did not have the umbrellas their website showed. They did have some really big umbrellas in red, brown, and beige, but they were all too big, too heavy for me to carry, and not my preferred colour.

I went online to see what Amazon had to offer, but I was overwhelmed by too many choices. Aside from this, a part of me prefers to shop locally, so I drove to the nearest Canadian Tire store. (For non-Canadians, I must explain that Canadian Tire was once affiliated only with car repair but is now the most reliable hardware, housewares, and sports equipment supply store.) True to form, they had a display of about ten umbrellas, in various colours, with some that tilted and some that didn’t. I chose a turquoise one that tilted. Perfect.

While I was there I selected a round, fillable, umbrella base from among a choice of about five. It was the smallest one available and the least expensive, but I checked with the cashier and she thought it would do the trick.

When I got home I did online research for a bag of sand. Where do you buy sand? How do you buy just enough for an umbrella base? How much do you need for an umbrella base? Do you need play sand or builders sand? What is the difference? All of a sudden I discovered a whole world of specialized knowledge that was far beyond my needs. I just wanted to fill an umbrella base.

Then I went out onto the patio to try out the umbrella base and found that there was a piece missing; the piece that holds the post to the base. A rather essential piece, one would think. So, not only did I need sand, I needed a new base.

Ultimately, I went to Home Hardware, which is the nearest store to me that sells sand and is also en route to Canadian Tire. I bought a bag of sand with the help of a delightful young woman who carried it to my car for me. Then I went back to Canadian Tire and got a refund on the useless umbrella stand.

Then I could have gone to check out Canadian Tire’s other umbrella stands but, since I was now in the neighbourhood I went next door to see what Rona+ had to offer. Nothing, as it turned out. At least, no fillable umbrella stands. They had only heavy metal stands, which might have been a good choice had I not already bought a bag of sand and had I been a heavy metal fan.

So, I went back to Canadian Tire and bought the next best fillable stand they had which was twice the cost of the one I had previously bought. By this time I was tired of shopping and it was lunchtime, so all I had to do was choose between black or grey. I chose grey.

I brought home my square grey stand, filled it with play sand, attached my turquoise umbrella, and … ta da! It all came together. The world is a beautiful place. I am now able to shield my living room from the sun’s afternoon rays and enjoy the fruits of my labours. I haven’t actually opened the umbrella and tilted it yet because it has been raining ever since, but once the rain stops, I will be ready! If it fails to open or tilt, you may expect another blog post.

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Edit to add:

It is up, it works, and it tilts! We have a winner!