There was a deep-seated resistance tied to some happy moments in the past that I didn’t want to let go of. My therapist said something then that has stayed with me ever since. He said “You are one …
Source: Real Stories, Real People: When Your Child’s Gender Changes, So Do You
Snowbird of Paradise 
Powerful answer to a hard situation.
Thanks, Bernadette. I don’t know if I have the answer exactly, but the questions keep changing!