Today I watched as one angry man evoked three very different responses in the people around him.

I had an appointment for regular blood and urine tests at a nearby clinic. When I arrived I found the front desk unattended but I could hear a technologist in one of the clinic’s processing cubicles, so I waited. I wondered if she was alone and felt sorry for her because I could see five people in the waiting room.

When she appeared, she was singing along to the music on the background soundtrack and she knew every word! She must have heard those songs a million times. She explained that she was running behind schedule because she was alone, but that I would be seen before drop-in clients because I had an appointment.  That was OK with me.

As I sat down in the waiting area, I could see that one man was a bit antsy. A woman seated next to him occasionally patted his shoulder and, although I couldn’t hear what she said, she seemed to be advising him to relax.

More people came in to the clinic and each person was told that there was a one-hour wait for walk-in clients because the technologist was temporarily working alone. Her co-worker was on a break but would be back shortly. Some newcomers stayed, and some registered their place in line and left to do other things in the meantime.

As each new client arrived, the antsy man became visibly more agitated. He  looked at his watch a couple of times and told the woman (whom I assume was his wife) that they had been waiting twenty minutes already. He had two walking canes across his thighs, and repeatedly rubbed his hands over them. It occurred to me that they could be used as weapons. It also occurred to me that he might be in pain. Pain would explain his need for the canes and also his limited degree of patience. I combed my memory for advice on responding to threatening situations like this one but came up empty.

Fortunately, at that point his name was called and he slowly, awkwardly, hoisted himself out of his chair and went to his assigned cubicle. Once he had left the waiting area his wife smiled at the rest of us and said something reassuring. I can’t remember what she said, but we all heaved a sigh of relief. One man said he could see that the antsy man was angry, and then the woman explained that the reason she was there was because her husband had been kicked out of the clinic the last time he was there. She needed to provide him a ride home if it happened again.

As I was trying to communicate dismay and empathy, my name was called, so I left the waiting area. Once I was seated in my cubicle, I settled in to read the news on my phone. It was only a few minutes, though, before I could hear the antsy man yelling at the technologist in the cubicle next to mine. He was upset that he had been kept waiting despite having an appointment.

She was having none of it. At the point where he raised his voice and complained of “bullsh**t,” she made it clear that he had to leave. She remembered him from previous visits and said “We are not doing this again”  and that he had to leave the clinic.

At that point he seemed to realize that he was not going to get his blood tested that day, but instead of apologizing he doubled-down on his justifications for his frustrations. The technologist was not impressed. As he continued in his complaints she suggested that some blood might be drawn but it wouldn’t come from his vein!

Shortly after, I heard him being ushered out of the premises by both his wife and the staff member, neither of whom were sympathetic to his protestations.

As I think about what I had witnessed, I realized that in response to anger most of us watch and wonder what to do next, some of us placate the angry person (perhaps because we have to live with them), and some of us draw a clear line in the sand and refuse to allow it in our personal space.

In my life have used all three responses but haven’t always practiced the third one soon enough or often enough. Lesson learned.