I recently bought a new table and chairs and then chose Facebook Marketplace as a medium through which to dispose of the old ones. I had bought the first table and chairs from a flat-pack store and put them together myself. The table always irritated me because the surface was too easily scratched and I had refinished it twice. Thus, I was happy to replace it when the right sale came along on a table that I liked better.

I have sold through Facebook Marketplace in the past, so I was aware of the ghosts who ask if the item is still available and who never appear again. I thought that was the worst that could happen, but I was wrong.

Here is the transcript (with redactions) of an online negotiation that took far too long and took far too much of my patience and empathy.

*****

Jysk table and 4 chairs

Mon Nov 24 11:06 AM

D. Hi Anne, can i pick this up on the 27^th or 28^th? (two prayer hands)

Me. Yes. I am at xxx Pxxxxxx Drive. Please confirm date and approximate time.

D. can i pick it up on 28^th at 3pm

Me. Yes that will be fine.

D. (thumbs up sign)

Tue 12:18 PM

D. actually, can we pick it up around 4:30 or 5pm on 28^th

D. we go to get our keys at 3pm on the 28^th

Me. Yes that will be fine. I am in apt. xxx. Dial xxx at main door and I will buzz you in.

Tue 2:12 PM

D. where?

D. oh never mind haha

Me. Xxx Pxxxxxx Drive, Nanaimo

D. (thumbs up sign)

Wed 2:26 PM

D. is there any way you can knock the price down a bit? (prayer hands)

Me. Give me a good reason

D. we don’t have much money right now… and we need some gas money to go get our kids from their grandma

D. and she lives way up island

Me. We can discuss it when you get here

Wed 3:11 PM

D. alright

9:31 PM

D. sorry, we don’t have the money anymore to get the table so we don’t need the table anymore

Thur 4:47 AM

Me. I would be happy to give it to you free. Please come and pick it up at 4:30 or 5:00 as arranged.

10:38 AM

D. really? That’s so nice of you 🙂

Me. You are welcome 🙂

D. thank you so much

D. we will pick it up at 5

Me. OK

5:38 pm

Me. ?Do you want to reschedule?

D. possibly

D. I gotta ask my boyfriend is his friend with a truck will go and get it

Me. I see. Let me know when you have a plan

D. okay

D. how big is the table?

D. I wonder if it would fit in my jeep

Me. 27.5” x 43.5”

Me. 29” high

D. do you think it would fit in my jeep patriot?

Me. I have no idea.

Thu 6:44 PM

Me. I am no longer available this evening. Please reschedule by tomorrow morning. If not I will relist the table and chairs on Facebook Marketplace.

D. (Thumbs up sign)

*****

I waited until noon on Friday 29th and then re-listed the table and chairs for sale. Within two hours I had an expression of interest, a visit to look the items over, and a clean sale at the asking price.