Snowbird of Paradise

Update and a Hummingbird

A little while ago I wrote a post entitled What Is Normal? about my problems with anxiety since I tapered off the use of an anti-depressant At the time I promised an update, and here it is. I am also including some pictures of a hummingbird, just for fun, and I will be asking you for some movie recommendations.

Writing that blog post helped me to come to terms with my changing emotions, or at least to recognize what was happening. That, in turn, inspired me to make some decisions about how to get help or make some changes that would help.

After a couple of days of self-isolation, I arranged to meet a counsellor via video conference. Then I arranged to get an outdoor security camera installed. That may sound a bit odd, but it relates to a circumstance that I had not included in the previous blog post. There had been some people trespassing on both sides of my patio; on one side some neighbours moved out via the garden, and on the other side when someone tried to steal my lounger. The second incident was foiled by my motion-sensor light and by my opening the screen door to find out what the noise was. I still have the lounger but my sense of security took a beating.

As it turned out, the new camera was installed on the same day that I met with the counsellor. She was wonderful! I told her about the change in medication and my various over-reactions to things and people, and she gave me some excellent advice. In no particular order, here is the advice.

  1. Talk to a pharmacist about tapering off or quitting the medication. (She was upset that I had not been given better advice on this by the doctor who recommended that I stop using it.)
  2. Download a Brown Noise app to help overcome interrupted sleep.
  3. Put a notepad by my bed and do a mid-night brain dump to short-circuit the random thoughts.
  4. If I get up, restart my bed routine: toilet, wash, brush teeth, etc.
  5. Reframe thoughts. “I will sleep well tonight.”
  6. No screens before bed. Instead, relaxation exercises.
  7. Avoid large busy supermarkets. Use a smaller local store instead.
  8. Keep a solid or rigid routine. Focus on predictability.
  9. Be mindful of emotions. Watch safe TV shows in comfort. Encourage myself to watch movies that make me cry or that make me laugh in the safe environment of home. I was unable to cry while on the medication, so I need to give myself an opportunity to experience that again.
  10. Connect with people, let them know.
  11. If I feel too much anxiety or my mood is too low, contact a doctor.
  12. Consider using Mindshift App via AnxietyCanada.com

Here is what I have done so far:

  1. I talked to a local pharmacist and he advised me to quit the medication altogether. I gave him my remaining pills.
  2. The Brown Noise app really helped. I put it on when I woke in the night and used it instead of getting up and going online. I got the best night’s sleep I have had in months.
  3. The notepad is in place but I have not yet used it.
  4. I have not yet needed to re-use my bedtime routine in the middle of the night.
  5. I did consciously reframe my thoughts a few times and it seemed to help.
  6. I stopped using screens an hour before bed. I haven’t done any relaxation exercises. I’m not even sure what they would be.
  7. My latest shopping list is for home delivery.
  8. I think my daily routine is already quite predictable. I haven’t changed anything yet.
  9. This is where you come in. Can you recommend a movie that will make me cry or laugh?
  10. I am letting you know. No pressure! 🙂
  11. I will call a tele-health doctor if I feel my mood is getting too low.
  12. I downloaded the Anxiety Canada app, but that is as far as I went.

I have also made a point of trying to get out for a walk most days. Lately I have been getting out less because it has been very hot, but I’m more inclined to go for a walk when I have slept well.

I was in two minds about publishing that previous blog post because it felt as though I was divulging too much personal information, but now I’m glad that I did because I got some reassuring responses which helped a lot. Also, it helped me to think about my circumstances more clearly and that enabled me to get help.

So, now it’s your turn. Name a movie on Netflix, Crave, BritBox, or Prime that will make me cry in the comfort of my home.

21 comments

  1. If you really want to cry, Steel Magnolias, is your ticket. it’s an older movie, but I literally cried so much, I was glad I was home alone. Laugh: See Jumanji with “the Rock”. first one, it’s funny. the second one is not as good.

    Reply

  2. I’m so glad the brown noise app helped you sleep! I’m wishing you good luck that it continues to help!

    I’m not sure if this is what the counselor was talking about, but here are some relaxation exercises I know of:

    1. Tense up your whole body for a few seconds all at once, then let all your muscles go all at once.
    2. Or, a slower version of that, think about each part of your body one at a time, and tense it and release it as you do, starting with your feet going up your body and ending with your face. Could take a few minutes.
    3. Or, a thinking-only version where you notice each part of your body one at a time and how it’s feeling, any temperatures, sensations, discomfort, where it’s touching the bed or sheets and how that feels etc.
    4. Or, something completely different, imagine a shape, like a glowing ball, or a cube, and picture it as clearly as you can, growing and shrinking with your breath, and then dispersing like mist. Should also take a few minutes.
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  3. You could just try meditation, paying attention to the breath and it goes in and out, just breathing normally. When thoughts come up, as they inevitably will, just gently bring your mind back to paying attention to your breathing, in and out. Ideally you should do this in a sitting position; you don’t have to be cross-legged. Start by doing it for 5 minutes, morning and evening – you can use a timer. They say consistency in doing it is more important than the amount of time spent. Later you could move to 10 minutes at a time. This is what I learned when I was a Buddhist, but anybody can do it. It helps you focus your mind on the present moment and not get caught up thinking about past worries or being anxious about the. future.

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  4. Wow, that was one productive therapy session! The list of things to try is impressive! Thanks for getting back to us; it’s encouraging to hear that you have taken steps to help yourself, and they were productive steps. What is the reason for the smaller grocery store? To reduce anxiety? That makes sense, but it also is a cool idea for the potential that folks will start to recognize you there, and it can feel connective to your neighborhood.
    I’m sorry about the intrusions on your property. That would be a challenge for me to shake off as well.
    I don’t know if it will elicit laughing or crying, but a feel-good movie on Netflix, roughly based on a true story, is “Bank of Dave”.

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    • The reason for the smaller grocery store is that I was overwhelmed by too many people/noises/carts in Superstore. But you are right in that no-one there recognizes me. I hadn’t thought of that.

      I will add Bank of Dave to my list. Thanks, Lorna.

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  5. There are many yoga nidra for sleep videos on YouTube. Nothing to watch, just listen. You have to find someone who has a voice you like. They walk you through total body relaxation

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  7. I am so glad you wrote this post and also that you wrote the first one. We’re never alone in the things we experience. I have no doubt that your blogs not only helped you, but others. I especially glad that so far, it appears to be helping you. <3. I agree with Sheree about laughing. I was watching one of the Despicable Me movies in an airplane and my dang seat was shaking even though I was trying to stifle the laughter. I don’t cry much either, but “My Girl” had me weeping like a baby. It’s an older movie and has Dan Aykroyd in it.

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  8. Thanks for the update. That’s an impressive list of suggestions. Glad to hear you reached out and thank you for sharing. I’d never heard of brown noise, had to look it up. The sound reminds me of the ocean. My clock has nature sounds and I often go to sleep listening to ocean waves. Just sent you a message through facebook messenger about the Calm app. There are lots of different options on the app such as meditations, sleep stories, nature sounds. Love the sleep stories especially. The first movie that comes to mind is The Descendants with George Clooney. It’s based on a book by Kaui Hart Hemmings. I’m not much of a Clooney fan but I do like him in this role and I love this movie. I can’t find it on any of the streaming apps but it did show up on YouTube. Your local library might have the DVD. By the way there is a Disney movie called Descendants that keeps popping up instead of The Descendants.

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  9. It’s a brave thing to share personal things like this and I’m glad you have. Like someone else mentioned, you’re not alone and I’m happy that you’ve found some things working all ready. Brava!

    My sister is in palliative care and I find myself in all the worlds like the sad beauty of her smile, calm acceptance of knowing all life ends, and deeply devasted by the loss. And as I wipe tears from my eyes I came to the sudden remembrance that I just cut up some jalapenos for supper.

    Jxxo

    Reply

    • Oh, June, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I will be thinking about you both.

      Thank you for the kind words about my post. Some things are coming together for me.

      And japalenos! Yup. That’ll do it.

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  10. Wow!! so well done!! and so many films make me cry…. but of course…. difficult to remember now… But How about …. Schindler’s list and Life is Beautiful from 1997 (Italian movie)….The Pianist, 2002. all WWII movies… all of which make me cry!

    good luck!

    Reply

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