You would think that a person with two degrees in a particular area of study would be good at it, wouldn’t you? In my case, though, you might be wrong.

I studied Communication Studies because the province of Alberta said I needed to get a degree in order to teach. My certifications from the U.K. and British Columbia were, apparently, not sufficient. I was led to enrol in the General Studies program at the University of Calgary through a combination of irritation at the requirement and a desire to explore new academic fields. Those impulses ultimately led to a BA and an MA in Communication Studies.

The choice of subject area had less to do with my own personal characteristics and more to do with my interest in media and international mis/understandings. Ultimately, though, I ended up teaching business communication skills, writing for students of the fine arts, and writing for students who were new to post-secondary education

To cut a long story short, this person who is challenged by the need to make conversation at parties and who has an aversion to using the telephone nevertheless has an award for teaching Communication Studies. Admittedly, that award was a long time ago, but a contradiction between my qualifications and my talents continues.

As I contemplate this dichotomy, I accept that there are so many different kinds of communication skill that the word needs to have multiple sub-categories before being used as an attribute. Public speaking is a very different competence from light conversation over the phone. Writing a blog cannot be compared to writing a novel. Mediating a family dispute is a long way away from a union arbitration. Being able to chat with strangers at a social event is light years from being able to discuss your feelings with your partner. Teaching a class of college students bears no comparison to explaining to children why they should tidy their rooms.

There are some common characteristics for success, though. Honesty and openness usually contribute to successful interactions no matter what the format. In professional contexts, preparation always helps. For interpersonal dialogues, empathy is essential, and open-ended questions always invite conversation.

Even knowing all this, I still have to wrestle with anxiety before going to a party or meeting a new friend. As time goes by I feel more and more inclined to stay home than to socialize. I am trying to overcome this hesitance by saying “yes” to invitations more often than I say “no,” but it is a conscious effort.

My new home has introduced me to some lovely new neighbours who have welcomed me in lots of ways, and I appreciate all of them. I like knowing that there are people nearby who will help me if I need them and whom I can help if they will only ask. Even so, I still need a day for introversion after a couple of days of socializing.

Maybe self-talk is an area of communication that deserves greater attention. Now that I think about it, I could probably turn it into a college course!