On Wednesday this week in Canada, protests were planned on behalf of parents and others who object to students in public schools being given instruction and counselling related to sexual orientation and gender identity. Subsequently, the LGBTQ+ community and allies responded with a counter-protest. I participated in the latter group’s efforts in my city.

As I walked to the meetup location with a friend, I did not know what to expect. I only knew that the plan was to gather in front of City Hall and then, at the appointed time, we would all walk down to a park which is a popular gathering place.

When we arrived, we saw a group that was gathering but their appearance and signs led us to suspect that these were of the protest group, not the counter-protesters. They didn’t have any rainbow flags but they did have ambiguous signs that said “Save Our Children” and “Leave Our Kids Alone,” which could have been messages from both sides of the debate. For several minutes we wondered whether or not they were our kind of people.

As we waited for the counter-protesters to gather, I put on a gay pride straight ally flag as a cape, which invited some conversations. I was happy to explain my point of view until one woman accused me of “putting up a wall” and being unwilling to listen. As the discussion continued, I became increasingly upset and chose to leave because I am not good at heated debate and I was about to cry in frustration. That seemed to confirm her view of me.

From there, I walked further down the street to where I could see people with transgender and gay pride flags and, as I approached, one woman greeted me with her hands making a heart shape. She had watched me trying to talk with the people in the other group and was appreciative of my effort.

As time went on there was a lot of chanting and flag waving on both sides, and the gathering got larger. After a while, the police separated the groups so that we were on opposite sides of the street both figuratively and literally. From there, the chanting became louder and more boisterous, and passing cars added to the event with horn-honking, hand gestures, and flags.

My friend and I both noted that was some obvious miscommunication on both sides. The protest group was waving national flags as though their position was an indication of Canadian identity, even though all the counter-protesters were also Canadians. At the same time, the counter-protesters were chanting “No space for hate,” in spite of members of the other group insisting they were not haters.

Occasionally some over-enthusiastic people chose to confront individuals by standing too close, covering signs with flags, using a bull horn, and just generally being anti-social and antagonistic. These developments made my friend and me uncomfortable, and we agreed that if the groups continued to promote conflict, we would leave. We were hoping, instead, that there might be speeches and perhaps a growth in mutual understanding. Sadly, the circumstances did not lend themselves to that type of reasonable exchange. It was primarily a demonstration of the size of the groups, and the counter-protesters outnumbered the protesters by at least 2:1.

In the process, it became apparent that the protesters had been subject to some seriously incorrect information. They thought that children in kindergarten were being taught about sexuality, that pedophelia was being allowed or encouraged, that parents had no input into the material being taught, that teachers were promoting gender transitioning in juveniles, and on and on. None of those things is true, but their beliefs explain the protests. If I thought any of that was happening, I would protest, too.

I don’t know where this misinformation is coming from, although I can make some good guesses. Regardless, the sources have a lot to answer for.

The “No Space For Hate” theme adopted by the counter-protest group was also misleading. None of the protesters perceived of themselves as hating; on the contrary they believed their actions reflected their love. The theme did not make it clear that the hate comes not from the protesters per se but as a consequence of the lack of information and understanding.

When children see difference in others, they sometimes respond with exclusion and bullying, not with inclusion and love. By denying students knowledge of the range of gender identities and sexual orientation, some are made fearful of others who don’t conform to what they consider the norm. With fear comes mistrust and rejection. To the victims, that is perceived as hate. When that is experienced daily, it leads to heartbreaking consequences.

It was also quite clear today that most of us had no idea what was actually in the curricula of our local school boards. We only had hunches based on our biases. I briefly chatted with a young woman who was a teacher and we agreed that all of us need to trust teachers to teach only age-appropriate material and to trust curriculum planners to provide suitable guidelines. They are the people with expertise and experience, after all. Yes, of course, there are some bad teachers and some imperfect curricula, but generally speaking my vote is with the experts.

As we walked away from the rally in the park, my friend and I reflected on our participation and our shared desire to build bridges. We failed to do that today, but we learned a lot about both sides of the ideological divide. So long as we are getting our information from such different sources, though, none of us has much chance to share ideas with people who have divergent viewpoints.