For my birthday, on August 16th, I am going to give America a gift from Canada. I’m going make every can of beer cost a little bit more. Aren’t you grateful?
You might think that a gift should be something you actually want, but that’s not how this gift works. This gift comes in the form of a tariff, and you love tariffs on imported goods, right? It’s your way of saying “That’ll show ’em” to every country that makes things you want to use. You make them cost more.
So, here’s how this works, we sell our aluminum to you, and you put a tax on it. The idea is that you are supposed to buy less of our aluminum because it costs more but, since you really like our aluminum, you will keep on buying it but after my birthday you will have to pay extra. Won’t that be great?
In return, Canada is going to put a tariff on some things we buy from America. We haven’t quite decided which things that will be yet, but they will probably come from Republican states.
I am assuming this because that is what we did the last time you put a tariff on Canadian goods. We retaliated by putting a tariff on ketchup, bourbon, and lawnmowers. We make ketchup, whisky, and lawnmowers here, too, but now yours cost more so Canadians buy fewer of yours and more of ours.
I hope you enjoy my birthday and my gift to you. Just because I love you, I’m also going to give you the gift of an additional tax on appliances and cars because they also use Canadian aluminum. You are welcome.
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Snowbird, happy birthday to me.
Update 15 September 2020:
Common sense has prevailed. America has decided to drop the tariffs on Canadian aluminum imports, so Canada has chosen not to go ahead with retaliatory measures. (CBC)