I wanted to know what a search would find because I recently signed on again with Match.com. (I know, I said I’d never do it again. Don’t remind me!) Only a few years ago, it was considered inappropriate to do a background search on someone without first asking for their approval. The polite thing to do was to give a person a “heads up.” Apparently, the rules have changed. Now, it has become more likely that someone will do some homework before meeting me.
A man with whom I had exchanged a couple of emails told me that he had “done his research” on me and found all the sites I mentioned. He also found my late husband’s obituary! That, it seems to me, is going too far. I had another family member try to find that site by using only my name and city, and she couldn’t find any reference to my husband. Some people, apparently, either have more luck or more avenues for research.
The National Security Agency is being questioned about their over-eager collection of data regarding our telephone and email habits, and they didn’t seem to realize they had crossed a line. The judiciary seems similarly perplexed. One judge has described their data collection as “almost Orwellian” while another judge considers it an appropriate adaptation “to confront a new enemy.”
When I first considered this metadata, I said, essentially, that it didn’t bother me much. Now, though, I wonder if perhaps it has caused a shift in the public perception as to what is and is not acceptable behavior. If the NSA can know so much about all of us, then perhaps it’s ok for everyone to find out whatever they can about anyone else. Forget metadata. We can find out almost anything that has been put on a computer. The new enemy, it seems to me, is easy access to information.
The whole concept of privacy has been gradually changing all my life, to the point where the word “privacy” no longer means the same thing that it did when I was a child. Now it means putting a miniature e-padlock on digitized information. Today’s generation of children will have no experience of what it means to have a life that is truly free from intrusion. Even ordinary unexciting lives are now made virtually public. We are potentially all as famous as tabloid stars, but without the rewards. When Andy Warhol imagined everyone having fifteen minutes of fame, he probably didn’t think those minutes would be stored for ever on the Internet.
I still don’t care if the government knows how many calls I make, but I do care when a relative stranger digs into my personal history without my consent. That’s just not polite.
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Snowbird of Paradise 
I am conflicted… I was bored one evening & checked up on a guy that I had recently stopped dating. I found out he had never gotten divorced AND had done time for dealing drugs. Wish I’d known that earlier.
I think that it makes sense to find out what you can when it looks as though the relationship is ongoing. When you haven’t even met, though, it seems inappropriate to me. At the very least, I would ask someone if it’s ok to do a Google search.
I hear you, but I wouldn’t have wasted my time on this man had I known these things about him. I haven;t gotten into the habit of googling a man before meeting, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t do it moving forward.
What would happen if they said “no” to the request? Just curious…I have no opinion on this since it isn’t really relative to me right now. But thinking it through, if I were hiring someone, I’d probably do a search…I think. (I didn’t do it when I had my business, but I’m guessing I would now) And if I met someone on the internet…I think I’d do it too. Especially since my nature is to totally trust and believe pretty much everyone. I think I’d use that as a safety net for myself, but if I asked and he said no….I think I’d be stuck….I guess it would have to mean goodbye Charlie. Yes?
I seem to be swimming against the tide on this topic! I know that businesses now routinely do internet searches on candidates, but that is pretty much mutually expected.
What bothered me about a stranger reading G’s obituary was that it was not information I would share with someone I didn’t know. It’s not a secret, but it’s not a topic I would choose to discuss right away either.
If I asked someone if I could do a search and they said “no,” then that would tell me they had something to hide. So, yes, it would mean goodbye Charlie. I wouldn’t say “no,” to someone who asked, but I do think it would be polite of them to let me know.