I have figured out what air miles are good for. They are very good for inspiring creative expletives.

Years ago I realized I would never buy enough groceries to make my air miles worth anything of value. Nevertheless, they keep slowly adding up to the point where I think maybe, just maybe, I might actually be able to use them to go somewhere.

Yesterday a group of friends and I were discussing the possibility of taking a trip to Montreal. I love Montreal; at least what I remember of it.  I went there over thirty years ago, and have very fond memories of the architecture, the food, and the people. So, yes, I would love to go again. Trouble is, though, that air fares in Canada are a bit steep.

This morning I thought I would check to see if my Airmiles or my Air Canada Aeroplan miles are worth anything. It turns out I have the glorious total of 9 Airmiles. They wouldn’t get me to the end of the street! My Aeroplan miles, however, look a little more promising; I have about 18,000 of those. I saw that number and started to get a little bit excited. Maybe Montreal is in my future.

Well, maybe not. At least, not with 18,000 Aeroplan miles, anyway. Not only do I not have anything like enough miles, I cannot use any number of miles to book a flight on the chosen dates. Those dates are apparently off-limits to miles redeemers.

But, I don’t give up easily. Perhaps I could use the miles to buy some merchandise. I’ve been thinking about getting a Keurig coffee maker because I love the one I used this winter in California. 18,000 miles sounds like it ought to be enough, don’t you think?  Well, no. I would need 22,000 miles and I can’t top up my miles with cash unless I’m buying a flight which I can’t do because they won’t let me use the miles to fly on a date when I want to go.

This Catch 22 is not news to me, but it just reminded me again how annoyed I was the last time I checked my air miles. It also reminded me that air miles bear absolutely no resemblance to or connection with actual miles. It’s just the name of the con.