I’m easy to talk to. I like to find out about people, what makes them tick. I am quite good at asking open-ended questions that encourage descriptive answers. These, I think, are good characteristics. What I am finding, though, is that after a “first date” with someone, he nearly always thinks that we have bonded because the conversation was so “easy.”
I have a profile on an online dating site, so I am meeting men who are lonely. Some of them don’t know how to socialize without a partner, and some of them are even less comfortable dating than I am. Generally, we have lunch and then–if it seems like a pleasant companionship–go for a walk. Walking is a great way to share some thoughts. Good plan, right? Well, maybe not.
Yesterday I had another of these lunches and walks, and I enjoyed the company and the conversation. I thought I was starting a new friendship. He, on the other hand, thought he had found his soul mate. There is a big difference there. In his follow-up email he talked about how easy I was to talk to, he talked of the coming together of his heart and mind, and he talked of love.
This has become a pattern. I have heard this often enough that I am starting to see my conversational skills as sending the wrong message. It seems that for some people the hunger for conversation, company, and love have all become intertwined to the point that they are inseparable. My enquiring mind seems to them to be a sign of their fascinating personalities. They feel appreciated and so they tell me I am easy to talk to.
Or, maybe they are just flattering me.
Yes, that makes sense.