Can we talk about this?
It is not a good beginning to our relationship. The statement is in upper case, so I think you are shouting at me. I want a partner who talks to me with sensitivity, asks me what I want, brings me coffee in the morning, listens to me at the end of the day, talks to me about interesting observations, and does all of this quietly. If you shout at me, you are telling me that you are an angry person who likes to dominate. We’ll have to work on that.
You say you “wanna be” when you could have “wanted to be.” Is this an ironic reference to my background in teaching English, or are you trying to mimic the language on Twitter? Either way, I’m a little offended that you would not respect either my love of grammar or my attempts to update my use of technology.
Also, your bold declaration is all about you and what you want. If this sentence had started with the word “you” it would, potentially, have had a better response. It would have indicated an interest in my needs, and a more giving attitude. Can we discuss that?
The word “fuckbuddy” is, I think, a delightfully illustrative neologism. As a product of the post-AIDS sexual revolution, it indicates that a relationship based purely on sex is not only acceptable but also desirable. No emotional entanglements. No need to meet the family. Just sex. Friendly sex. Are we friends? Can we fuck without losing that affinity? I don’t know. I’m afraid of losing your friendship, and that would be awful.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you think I want sex with a woman. All your emails come with feminine names in the “From” line, and frankly I’m not that kind of girl.This is nothing against you, of course. It’s just the way it is, but your misunderstanding tells me that you haven’t actually learned anything about me. This minimalist approach to research is not unusual, but my sexual preference is quite a significant detail to have overlooked.
So, regrettably, I must decline your kind offer. We just aren’t looking for the same things in a relationship. However, I wish you good luck in your search for a partner.
Pliny
March 1, 2013 at 6:15 am
Thanks, Anne, what a great start to my day. Best wishes, P.
Pliny
March 1, 2013 at 6:19 am
Clarification might be necessary… my above comment referred to the content of your message, not the fact that my Yahoo mail showed a new message from you with the title “I wanna be your fuckbuddy” (although that was somewhat uplifting as well, until reality set in).
Anne
March 1, 2013 at 6:42 am
I’m laughing, Pliny! Thanks.
Rob
March 1, 2013 at 6:44 am
I can’t imagine ever sending any woman an email with a tag line like that. I suppose, at one level, that reflects a degree of cowardice on my part. There are certainly women with whom I would like to have a no strings attached sexual relationship. But nsa doesn’t mean no respect attached. If she wasn’t getting as good as she was giving, I would be disappointed.
Anne
March 1, 2013 at 6:54 am
Rob, I think that the way a relationship is described says a lot about the degree of mutual respect. You might have a nsa relationship, but you would probably be thoughtful in the words you choose in reference to it.
Rob
March 1, 2013 at 7:13 am
I certainly hope so, else I don’t deserve the “benefits”.
Gillian Price
March 1, 2013 at 4:16 pm
Oh Anne, this made me laugh and I felt for you at the same time. Some people have no finesse, we need to be stroked and encouraged. As well as being treated as an intelligent human being. Good riddance is what I say! xx
Anne
March 1, 2013 at 5:14 pm
Exactly! And, I’m glad I made you laugh.
gypsythinking
May 14, 2013 at 2:28 am
I have read this over 3 times now. Actually, make that 4, as I just read it to hubby. It gets funnier every time.
Anne
May 14, 2013 at 3:19 am
Oh, thank you! I’m glad it made you smile.